Patricia Eimer is on tour for her upcoming release, Devil May Care. Devil May Care is book 2 in the Speak of the Devil series. This series is so much fun and I have really enjoyed both books. Follow the links to see my reviews of book 1, Luck of the Devil, and book 2, Devil May Care. Part of the Devil May Care book tour, Patricia Eimer is at Book Savvy Babes today talking about her funniest wedding experience. There is also a tour-wide giveaway contest running, so see those details at the end of the post. Help me welcome Patricia Eimer to the blog:
FUNNIEST WEDDING EXPERIENCE
My new book—Devil May Care—has not one but two weddings in it and so that has gotten me thinking about weddings a lot recently. I’m from a very large family so I’ve been to a lot of weddings. I’ve been in a lot of weddings actually and I have a closet full of very ugly taffeta creations in disgusting pastel shades to prove it. The funniest wedding I have ever been to though would have to be the one where I was seven months pregnant, dressed as a zombie nun, and was accidentally hit on by the groom—who freaked out when he went to cop a feel and ended up with a handful of pregnant, moving belly instead.
Okay, actually we should probably back up. Forget everything I’ve just told you. There is no feeling anyone up, there is no groom, and there are no nuns—zombie or otherwise. In the beginning there was just a five month pregnant me and Susan, a good friend of mine, working night shift in a nursing home discussing what she was going to do for her wedding. Now the first thing you need to know about this scene is that it’s the beginning of September and we’re on night shift on a terminal ward.
So you’ve got the scene in your head now. Its dark, it’s quiet, two twenty-something’s in green scrubs are going up and down the corridor listening to heart monitors beep and making sure everyone is still breathing. And like all great ideas that are conceived in the middle of the night when you’re surrounded by dying people and cold pizza this one was epic.
“You should get married on Halloween and we’ll make it a costume party,” I said, pushing a trash can full of dirty linen down the hall.
“Okay but what are we going to dress everyone up as?” she asked.
“Nuns. We’ll dress you and the bridesmaids up as nuns and then we’ll make your groomsmen dress up like priests. Everyone else can come up with their own costumes.” (One of my better ideas actually)
“What about the actual minister? What’s he going to dress up as?”
“We’ll have him come as someone else. Maybe Satan.” (he came as the wolfman)
“You know what would be even better?” she asked.
“What?”
“Zombie nuns. We’ll all dress up as zombie nuns and paint our faces identical and it’ll be a hoot.”
“That will be epic. Oh and FYI I won’t look like a barge in my maid of honor dress because those habits make everyone look enormous anyway.”
The next morning someone should have stopped us. Really. Mature, responsible adults should have stopped us but no one did.
Before anyone could blink we had a hall rented and a vicar that thought the idea of a costumed wedding sounded like a hoot and we’d put in a request for seven nuns habits and seven priests costumes at a local shop. They even knew the name of a special effects makeup artist who would paint us all up for the wedding. The invitations had Jack Skellington on them and invited people to a help the mother and the father of the bride send her off into eternity of restless and haunting matrimony until death ripped the bride and groom apart with its cold and deadly hand.
We were careening straight into Halloween Wedding Hell and laughing like banshees the entire way.
Fast forward two months to Halloween. We’re outside the hall which looks like a Halloween emporium vomited inside of it. There are streamers, stuffed—singing—Jack O’ Lanterns filled with candy on the tables. There is a zombie Elvis robot singing and swiveling his hips in the corner.
I’m dressed in a full nuns habit, hair covered, dress down over my hands, skirts trailing the floor, wearing flats because at this point I can no longer see my feet. My face is green and there is fake blood oozing from a gaping wound that curves from my forehead down to almost my chin.
Susan and the rest of the bridesmaids are dressed the same. The difference is—the 5’4” bride is now wearing heels that makes her even with my own 5’6”.
Things are good. Then like usual—I had to pee. Again. For the fourth time that night. So out I slip to the bathroom while the bride talks to her mother—who’s dressed as Glinda the Good Witch. Unbeknownst to me, the bride had lost track of time and had forgotten that she’d arranged a pre-wedding-let’s-get-the-nerves-out-quickie with the groom. In the ladies room. You’re seeing where this is going.
I come out of the toilet stall and go to wash my hands and suddenly there are lips on my neck and something very unpriestlike poking me in the back while one hand is going for mountains and the other for the promised land further south. Until he hit a slight detour—seven months of pregnant belly.
After five minutes of hysterical laughter, another trip to the bathroom (because seriously when you’re that pregnant you always have to pee), and preventing the groom from hyperventilating and passing out in the women’s toilets, we all managed to get where we needed to be and the bride went up the aisle, still snorting with laughter at the fact her groom couldn’t tell one zombie nun apart from another.
Thankfully, even though the groom still can’t identify zombie members of the clergy on sight, the two of them have been happily married for 10 years and every time I get the chance to go home and we see each other somehow the words—remember that time you were pregnant and dressed as a zombie nun and I felt you up?—always come into the conversation.
Heather- O.M.G- that is a seriously funny wedding story! A zombie halloween wedding? That is a wedding I would love to crazy (felt up nun aside). That makes for a fantastic story though, thank you so much for sharing Patricia!
About Devil May Care:
Weddings are hell
After a month of planning not one, but two, demonic weddings, all Faith Bettincourt—the youngest Crown Princess of Hell—wants is to spend some quality time with her angelic boyfriend, Matt. But when a ghost from Matt’s past walks through Faith’s apartment door, her preoccupation with the weddings from Hell is all that’s keeping her from turning his ex, in all her devious angelic glory, into a down throw pillow.
Which is about when Matt’s zealous mother declares war on Faith’s family.
Now Faith will stop at nothing to stop the craziness and make sure the impending nuptials go off without a hitch. All she’s got to do is rescue one of the grooms and go up against an army of so-called do-gooders, and everything will go back to normal. Or as normal as it can be where the Devil’s spawn is concerned. With any luck, she might just be able to resuscitate her love life while she’s at it.
Since Patricia Eimer is on a blog tour for Devil May Care, Entangled Publishing is sponsoring a tour-wide giveaway. To enter the contest just fill out the rafflecopter below, and be sure to follow the tour!
February 24, 2013 at 11:48 am
LMAO That is too funny! What a great story and a memorable wedding.